So… I’m less than a month from my 49th birthday.  And I was thinking… if I could go back, say 30 years, knowing what I know now, and be 19 again, what would I do differently?

I’d still get married to my wonderful husband of 30 years, and I’d still have our three children, but I’d handle so many things differently.  I’m sure I’d make some new mistakes in the process, but I’d avoid most of the old ones.

But there are three important things I’d change.

One is that I’d major in something different in college, then get a paying career going sooner.  I’d still be a writer and artist and photographer, but I wish I’d done more back in the day to turn my interests and skills into a career rather than letting self-doubt, depression, and ignorance keep me at home.

And that’s another thing – knowing what I know now, I’d get my depression treated much much sooner instead of wasting years being miserable.

And finally, I would have kept up running instead of letting self-doubt, depression, and ignorance, and other minor obstacles, make me quit and restart, quit and restart.  I would have gotten a handle on my compulsive overeating sooner and run more.

Okay.  So after thinking all that, I got to thinking… what’s stopping me now?  If these are the things I want, and that I would change, then what’s stopping me now?

Nothing is stopping me from changing my career direction.  I’m doing that.  I’m finishing up another degree this year and embarking on a new profession as an interpretive naturalist.  It’s a job I love and it harnesses all my skills and interests, from nature to writing and art to the perfect mix of indoor and outdoor and daily variety.  So that’s in progress.

As for the depression – that’s being handled.  Zoloft is my friend.

But what about the proper eating and exercise?  Hmmm.  Why do they seem so much harder than the others?  It’s not ignorance – I’ve studied the relevant knowledge for at least 20 years.  I know what to do and how to do it.  And I’ve had short-lived success.  I’ve lost weight (only to regain it) and I’ve gotten fit (only to lose it again).

So if I could go back 30 years, how would things be different?  Would I really be able to avoid gaining weight in the first place?  To get fit and stay there?  If so, why then, but not now?

Well, one difference would be that at the age of 19, I had less pain, more energy, and faster recuperation time.  I also had more ambition and enthusiasm to carry me through tough patches.  Now I’m (a little) old, achy, jaded, tired.  Everything seems to take more effort, injuries are more common, and healing takes longer.

And at the moment, I’m suffering through plantar fasciitis (again), a result of actually getting out and doing what I wanted to be doing instead of being lazy.  So it seems like I can’t win for losing.  So, I can’t start jogging again at the moment anyway, until my feet heal.

But it’s a moot point anyway.  I can’t turn back time and be 19 again.  All I can do is to do what I can do in the here and now.  I’m watching my calories and making good healthy food choices more than every before.  And I’m getting outside as much as I can while still nursing my painful feet.

What would you do differently, if you could turn back time?  And why aren’t you doing that now?