When I start to feel down on myself, like I’m not doing enough or not doing anything well enough, I stop and evaluate what’s going on. Feeling bad about myself can lead to downward spirals of non-productive and unhappying depression, overeating, overdrinking, and general misery. I’ve been there and done that. It’s not a refreshing vacation and there are no t-shirts to collect. I don’t want to go back.
So I stop and think about everything I’m actually doing. I attend classes full-time at a 4-year university. I write, I paint, I read, I take photos, I hike, I watch birds and wildlife. That’s a lot of stuff already. And now, spring is the time of year that gardening, and my volunteer bird banding, and my intermittent job with the National Park Service, all swing back into action.
Nothing helps me regain my perspective on life quite like the ocean's horizon.
Plus I must take into account the time I need to eat, sleep, think, and daydream, all of which are required for my mental and physical health. Without those, nothing else can happen.
Something must be set aside, at least temporarily.
Usually the first thing to go is my painting and drawing. It always goes on hiatus when time is short. It’s not my primary form of expression – writing is. Painting is a wonderful hobby for me and I love it, but it doesn’t come easily and takes a lot of time. (Part of what I love IS the challenge, since I don’t have any natural talent for it, like I do for writing and music.)
The second thing to go is usually reading for pleasure. I have a pile of required reading for school, plus what’s necessary to put together my NPS programs and keep current on news, so it’s not like I won’t be reading anything. Except for listening to my audiobooks in the car, I won’t be reading anything for fun for a while.
(But look forward to some novel reviews soon, since I’m almost finished listening to an entertaining trilogy I want to share with you.)
The last thing that I’m experimenting with cutting out this year is television. I like TV, although I think there’s far too much crap being broadcast. TV has great potential as an educational and informational tool, but it’s underutilized. There are a few programs I enjoy… Raising Hope, Modern Family, The Middle, Oddities, The Walking Dead, nature documentaries, and all the CSIs. I can either DVR those or watch them OnDemand (which also means I can skip the commercials). I’m not a slave to the networks’ schedules (nor their advertising). Nor am I a slave to these shows. If I miss one… oh well. There will be another soon.
And I really appreciate Netflix (despite the fact that most of the famous classic movies I’d like to watch never seem to be available for ‘instant streaming.’ And I don’t want to get the DVD subscription because that would be just one more thing to juggle.)
But the trick is not to get caught in the trap of sitting in front of the ‘boob tube’ for meaningless unproductive hours at a time watching shows that don’t contribute to my happiness. Or watching reruns. The TV has an on/off switch. So I turn it off.
Other things don’t get cut out completely, but get cut back or doubled-up. Like instead of having plain hikes sometimes, and hikes with the camera other times, and wildlife watching hikes other times, all hikes become photo-wildlife-hikes.
Or instead of trying to blog 5 times a week, I only blog 3 times. (Sorry.)
Even with all these changes, I’m still only human with a finite amount of energy and a finite number of waking hours in a day. Not everything is going to get done.
And I shouldn’t feel bad about that, or at least not bad about myself, as if I’m doing something wrong or like I’m inadequate somehow. I’m not. I’m fine.
Sometimes, however, I expect too much of myself. I forget that I’m fine and I forget that all that other stuff is extra. None of that is essential.
Except for the eating and sleeping. And hugging my loved ones.
